Jobbing

The economy. Ick, what a boring word. I took Economics from a stoned, half brain-dead old hippie at Pocatello HS. Needless to say I didn't learn much. I do remember watching 'Men In Black' for the first time in that class. What does Will Smith have to do with Economics you ask? Well, I didn't bother to because I wasn't very interested in Economics so watching MIB was just as interesting. Now I'm old and cleverly disguised as a responsible adult and I actually care, a bit, about boring subjects like Economics and I fear I may have missed out on something. But given the state of our public education system, I probably didn't.
So the economy. Right now it sucks. My grocery spending has increased dramatically over the last several months. My fuel bill hasn't changed much, since I did actually manage to drive less according to gas prices. I am trying to continue the good habits I developed, I swear! But the prices of everything have gone up so much that it's definitely affecting our savings accounts in my house. It is much harder to find a bargain and my checkbook is feeling the pinch.
So I am currently seeking part-time, temporary labor. There is no reason to be scared of the big, bad world of employers. I have done it before. So why am I so hesitant to actually start looking? Well, I dread the thought of leaving my boy for hours and hours everyday. I don't know how people manage that. And I am, of course, afraid to fail. What if I have to call in because K is sick? What if my own house goes to shambles because I am too busy and tired to bother with it? What if I can't learn new skills, I don't catch on as quickly as I used to or I just don't do well? What in the world will Kelly think? I haven't even brought it up to him. He's always been of the mindset that I should just do whatever I want (what a guy!) but he has made his feelings regarding daycare very clear. Is it the same if Killian is just going to one of my mommy friends for a few hours? And how exactly do I feel about that? I would never leave him with someone that I was worried about, but there is always that nagging doubt. Somehow you just know that no one else will watch him quite as closely, even though I am way more laissez-faire than most people I leave him with. Then there is that worry that he'll scream ceaselessly and my friend will resent me, hate my child and our friendship will suffer.
But mostly I think I am really just scared that I am not as good as I used to be. I am spoiled. I'm a stay-at-home mom which is, in all honesty, isn't a difficult job. My customer may be difficult to please but his smiles and giggles and learning curve are all more than enough compensation for the crap hours and manual labor.