Last time I was pregnant (by the way, I'm expecting again!) I didn't blog. Instead I wrote long and probably inane ramblings about every tiny change that I'd noted that month or sometimes week. I sent these compositions to a rather large list of friends in my gmail address book and prided myself on keeping my loved ones up to date. Looking back I feel like they must have seemed so self-absorbed. And honestly, I was as self-absorbed while pregnant as I probably was as a teenager, which is really saying something. I seemed to think that I had invented pregnancy and I revelled in it.
So this time around I have yet to send a single email. I now blog and almost 4 months into my gestational adventure this is the first time I have decided to publish something I wrote about it. Am I really less self-absorbed? Well if this "me-me-me" post tells us anything it is that no, I'm not.
But maybe I am. It's only been 2 years since I was at this phase of my life and I am a different person. I can't say that is a completely good thing, because I really miss a lot of the pre-breeding Katy, but I am different.
I now know that the pregnancy part is just a waiting game, and I have never been known as a patient one. Instead of focusing on every twitch of my child-in-the-making I can now laugh at the crazy grimaces of my toddler. And instead of rock climbing and reading detailed descriptions of my in utero friend, I now have a picky eater to coerce food into.
And humility is me. I do not carry off pregnancy well. I have many pictures of my bloated self that remind just how large I get while pregnant. And now I know that I have a very hard time losing weight while breastfeeding, so I continue to be large for many months to follow. So I am not reveling in this pregnancy. I am terrified of having another baby in my house but so excited to meet my new little person. I am petrified of getting stretch marks this time around since I lucked out last time. I can't stand the thought of waddling around like a seal on land while trying to hold a screaming two year old. And did I mention comes at the end of all this indignity?! A screaming, demanding, non-sleeping, fragile little baby.
A beautiful, amazing, loving little creature. Someone else to make my stars align and my world make sense.
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2 comments:
Congrats on the new baby, Katy!
Reading your post reminded me of how I felt during my third pregnancy. Excited, but stressed. Because after all, like you said... the result is a highly demanding baby. I remember thinking... "Wow... I'm gonna have THREE of these things running around! How am I going to manage that?!" But now I do. It just takes time. One day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time... but you'll get there. :)
What helped me the most was forgetting all the books that tell us what is right or wrong. Do what gets you through the day. That's my only advise.:) (Not that you asked {grin})
I hope you take some time to enjoy your pregnancy, too. You'll do fine toting a toddler and having a big preggo belly. :) Seriously, it all works out in the end. If you want to write and revel in every little movement, go ahead. Pregnancy doesn't occur very often and I wish I had written more about mine. :(
Please forgive my "words of wisdom" as we have just met, but looking back, I do wish I had spent more time reveling in my pregnancies.
Thank you for your thoughts on my blog regarding my son's allergies. I appreciate any insight and I'm glad to know that someone else had to request their child's levels and further info. I think I'm going to ask them to send me a copy of this year's and last's. If nothing else, it will be a remembrance for his baby book. :)
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on. It's quite unlike me, and I hope you take my words with the caring heart I meant for them. :) Have a wonderful pregnancy!
Isn't being the mom so fun? Just think...number 2 will only make your life that much more meaningful! :)
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