Counting Down

My pregnancy is fairly all-consuming at this point. I would like to have thoughts on the public reaction to the Swine Flu and the following come down of safety. The fact that our VP has already been caught in a Clinton-sized lie and the media basically glossed over it. I would even like to start reading a new book or finish an already started one, but I can't seem to focus on anything other than my growing belly and the wrath that is shortly to be released on my somewhat peaceful life.
This obsession takes many forms. While reading, either online or a book, my little Grover starts to squirm and I try to imagine what he's doing in there, what he looks like, meeting him for the first time, etc. While sitting down to zone out for a few minutes and give my poor feet a break I start to stress out about all the things I really want to finish before he comes. Then I start to imagine what it'll be like once he's actually here. I have fuzzy memories of a very dark time in my life called "Love in the time of Colic" where I felt a love like nothing I've ever known and yet I thought my life had ended in the wake of screaming infant.
In some ways I just want him to be here. I want to see him and start to get to know him. I know it's weird for some people but I am so excited to get to nurse again. I miss that particular bond with Killian and I am excited that I get to experience that one more time. But I am terrified beyond description. I have more fears this time. Last time I loved my tummy-baby so much from the second I considered the notion that he might be in there. This one is taking more time in the bonding department for me. I have a few theories as to why this is, but none of them ease my fear that this half-love may not bloom into the passionate obsession that I had for Killian for the first while.
In some ways I can accept that you will never love again like you did the first time. I have experienced this in my non-mothering life and I assume that it can tend to be similar with one's children. After all, I kind of know what's coming. By the very act of expecting to hear the stars sing and the see the world in the eyes of my son, I am setting myself up for disappointment.
But then there is the odd feeling that I am already divided between my two boys. I vacillate between resenting Grover for taking a part of me from Killian, for making me a mother of two, for just being here. But then I get so so excited that I will have two little people! Two boys seems like such a rowdy, fun way to live life. I want to teach them to hike and climb and swim and ski. I know they'll shoot targets with their dad and come home to bake cookies with their mom. And I know that all these experiences will be richer for them because they'll always have each other. I know the bond of two siblings is unlike any other. When they are grown and their dad and I are unreachable on some mountaintop, river, or desert they will always be able to call each other for a piece of home.
I guess I am just scared of another baby, not another child. While I did love Killian every single day, I did not love the stage of my newborn. I take so much more pleasure in my toddler than I ever did in my baby. And knowing this is coming it's a little hard to imagine a pleasant 2009 and that just doesn't seem fair to any of us.

Non-shiny

Argh! Maybe I am throwing a massive hormone-fit but what is with the Plan Changers?
You know the people that decide that they are going to take the current plan and throw it out to suit their needs? If an event of any sort is set then don't go switching it around to please yourself. If the date is inconvenient, then DON'T GO! Don't ask people, whether it be a bride and groom or a book club, to change everything around so that it is less hectic for you. If a group has plans to go on a camping trip and you get invited, don't suddenly ask to go somewhere else because you heard it was better/different/closer/whatever. Just plan your own damn trip and save the group your hassles.
Please take my little piece of advice and be a good friend to those around you. If you want to be at an event, then make it happen. If something more important is happening on that date then that really sucks, but that is life. Send your regrets like a normal person who was raised to be respectful of other people's time. If you're really that important to the event then your friends or family will work to accommodate you. If you're not then feel free to blog about it.

Mental Stimulation

I seem to have had a lot of really good conversations lately. The very best being with my great friend Stacy. We had a wonderful give and take over a book that it seems everyone has read, Twilight. Of course we occasionally veered into drooling over the werewolves in the next movie, but we had a lot of fun discussing character motives and sympathetic protagonists, sticky plot points and hidden agendas. It was a real, grown-up conversation that never touched on children, which is rare for two mothers. And I loved it.
I have been having so much fun lately discussing everything from books to the current economic situation in relation to Japan in the 90s to recycling viability in my community. Since having Killian almost two (TWO?!) years ago I rarely have a conversation that doesn't at least include him, if not center around him. I hate it sometimes and I try very hard to separate "Katy" from "Mom" but since we are the same person the lines are often blurred. How can I have a discussion about the sorry state of the public school system without relating it to what my son's experience will be? But slowly but surely I am gaining ground in the "Katy" version of me. Because I sure do miss being a real person with thoughts and ideas about something other than daycare and child rearing!
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I ask a woman/mother "How are you?" and the reply is "Oh, well Johnny has had diarrhea." Or some such nonsense. First, I didn't ask how Johnny's diaper looked this morning, I asked about YOU. Remember, my friend? The funny, witty person with opinions about the world and a great fashion sense. I fear that people will ask that about me when I am drowning in two kids.
I know that the first year or so of having a baby it is all child-centered and I hope I make peace with that this time around. But after that maybe I will find a way to concentrate on something more than one book a month read for my book club. I hope that there is light at the end of the infant tunnel where there is room in my brain for more than colic cures and breast-feeding positions!
Because I discovered so much during that Sunday afternoon conversation. About a favorite book, a favorite friend and even myself. And it was great not being so "mommed out" for an hour or so.

Follow the Motto

A wise woman once said, "Don't be a dick". I have heard my dear friend say this on numerous occasions and I always laughed and agreed but I have recently started to hear it reverberating through my head like an 80's pop song featuring too much electric keyboard. I decided to take my own advice and set out on a spiritual journey to not be a dick. I am finding it harder than I would have thought.
When I want to get on the freeway by my house I usually stay in the far lane, speed past all the cars waiting for their turn to get into the turning lane, then I jump ahead of some slow person and steal their turn to enter the freeway. I'm sure this saves me very little, if any, time but I like to get places NOW. I realize that this isn't exactly following the motto. So instead I tried to follow the motto and wait my turn. Well that didn't go much better. I ended up screaming at the lady in front of me that wouldn't just turn! Granted she couldn't hear me but my blood pressure and son both got the gist of what I was saying. Follow the motto....even if no one else will see you breaking it.
My reasons for undertaking this arduous path are numerous. I heard the saying recently "Keep the shiny side up." It was referring to a motorcycle but in that weird way that things tend to do, it really struck me. What a great life motto! I suddenly saw all the many ways that I had failed to keep the shiny side up and how I could apply my newfound mantra to all facets of my life. In friendships I should work more on keeping my shiny side up. I know my marriage could benefit from a shiny Katy. And my son could probably stand to see me smile a little more and scream at other drivers in an erratic fit of road rage a little less.
So now I am following the motto. Or trying to. I hope that all around me will benefit from this experiment and I really hope it will help me cope with those third trimester mood swings!

All is Well

I am going to gush for just a moment here, please feel free to skip.
My newest little Burnside Boy is just perfect, as far as any doctor can see. Apparently the ultrasound technician saw something and proceeded to send me running and practically screaming to google anything I could think of. What I found made me feel better, but I did not sleep well last night.
I spoke with the nurse this morning and after a few hours of phone tag and persistent questions on my part it turns out that all that stress was seemingly for naught. The radiologist had nothing to note except normal functions as for wee Grover (my in utero buddy) and his cardiac functions. I made my OB re-check the ultrasound and the nurse called the radiologist to be sure and all professional opinions concur. My perfect little man is seemingly fine and I can breathe again. I have also come out of my dark cave and resumed normal speech patterns.

The world does revolve around me, thank you.

There is a test that is offered to pregnant women and it's commonly called a Triple Screen. It has a very high false positive rate and is slowly falling out of fashion due to causing much needless worry and being quite inaccurate. When offered this Triple Screen I decided to take it for two reasons. One, forewarned is forearmed as far as I can see. And two, if I get a positive I get an early ultrasound. In addition I had this test with my son and it was negative so it was just a small addition of reassurance.
Well, the good news is...IT'S A BOY!
And the not-so-good news. My Triple Screen came back positive but the ultrasound showed no problems to match the test.
More not-so-good news. I have placenta previa. If this continues until late in the third trimester I will have a scheduled C-section. No big deal for the baby boy, very bad for me.
And the really not-so-good news. The ultrasound did detect a defect in my boy's heart walls. He has all four chambers but there is a thickening of a chordae. I do not know what this means so if anyone has any information I would welcome it. My doctor should contact me sometime tomorrow and I will hopefully have more information and a fetal eco (heart test thingy) scheduled.
For now I am going to assume all will be well but I will try to update my page when I can.

It Could Always Be Worse

Couple arrested in Christmas Day brawl over video game

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1141384

Wii are the world

By Richard Weir
Saturday, December 27, 2008

Woe is Wii.

A Portsmouth, N.H., couple yesterday blamed each other for their black and blue Christmas when they got into a violent fight - and arrested - after an argument over a gift of the popular Nintendo video game.

“This was the worst Christmas ever,” Randi Young, 24, said a day after she and her boyfriend, Heath Blom, 26, were both cuffed and carted off by cops on misdemeanor charges of “domestic-related” simple assault.

Police were called to South Street home where the couple lived with Blom’s grandparents at 1:55 p.m. Christmas day. Officers arrested the pair upon observing bruises on each of them.

Portsmouth police said tempers flared because the boyfriend was smarting over not getting the present he wished for. “Heath Blom wanted a remote-controlled airplane for Christmas, and not the Wii,” said Sgt. Kuffer Kaltenborn.

Blom, a flooring contractor, said the cops got it wrong, and that he had asked his grandparents to get him the $1,000 airplane for his birthday next April. “You can’t fly an RC plane in the snow,” he said.

But he admitted disparaging the Wii game to his grandma and angering his girlfriend, who accused him of being an ingrate.

Blom, still nursing a shiner from the fight, said she called him names “for not liking the Wii.”

“He said he hated it. It hurt her feelings,” remarked Young, who said her boyfriend “told his grandparents that he changed his mind” about waiting until his birthday and wanted them to buy him the pricey plane for Christmas. “When he didn’t get the plane, he got really upset. He acted like a 10-year-old kid,” she said.

One fight led to another and soon Young was packing her bags. Blom said he got angry when his girlfriend hid the Wii game. “I thought she was walking off with it.”

“He dragged me down two flights of stairs, by the hair,” Young said.

But Blom said, “I stood in the doorway trying to block her. She punched me in the eye. She punched me three times. I said ‘That’s it.’ And I pulled her hair.”

Ricky Young Sr., 52, said Blom and his daughter, who he said was left with a “knot on her head” and a swollen nose, “fight like little kids. . . But to fight on Christmas, of all days. That’s crazy.”