Second time around

Last time I was pregnant (by the way, I'm expecting again!) I didn't blog. Instead I wrote long and probably inane ramblings about every tiny change that I'd noted that month or sometimes week. I sent these compositions to a rather large list of friends in my gmail address book and prided myself on keeping my loved ones up to date. Looking back I feel like they must have seemed so self-absorbed. And honestly, I was as self-absorbed while pregnant as I probably was as a teenager, which is really saying something. I seemed to think that I had invented pregnancy and I revelled in it.
So this time around I have yet to send a single email. I now blog and almost 4 months into my gestational adventure this is the first time I have decided to publish something I wrote about it. Am I really less self-absorbed? Well if this "me-me-me" post tells us anything it is that no, I'm not.
But maybe I am. It's only been 2 years since I was at this phase of my life and I am a different person. I can't say that is a completely good thing, because I really miss a lot of the pre-breeding Katy, but I am different.
I now know that the pregnancy part is just a waiting game, and I have never been known as a patient one. Instead of focusing on every twitch of my child-in-the-making I can now laugh at the crazy grimaces of my toddler. And instead of rock climbing and reading detailed descriptions of my in utero friend, I now have a picky eater to coerce food into.
And humility is me. I do not carry off pregnancy well. I have many pictures of my bloated self that remind just how large I get while pregnant. And now I know that I have a very hard time losing weight while breastfeeding, so I continue to be large for many months to follow. So I am not reveling in this pregnancy. I am terrified of having another baby in my house but so excited to meet my new little person. I am petrified of getting stretch marks this time around since I lucked out last time. I can't stand the thought of waddling around like a seal on land while trying to hold a screaming two year old. And did I mention comes at the end of all this indignity?! A screaming, demanding, non-sleeping, fragile little baby.
A beautiful, amazing, loving little creature. Someone else to make my stars align and my world make sense.