Music

I don't really know why I keep a blog. As previously mentioned I am not actually comfortable with knowing that people read it. I was asked to blog professionally for the newspaper and found that I just couldn't do it. Too much pressure, too much exposure. But I write a lot and it needs to go somewhere. I have what I could term a diary, or a journal of sorts, but it isn't in a form that I can easily read back through it. And it's all full of secrets and truths and things I wouldn't share. This is public enough to keep me from wandering too deep but private enough that I am pretty much within my comfort zone of sharing. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't often get into girly feelers and whatnot. But when I do delve into that realm of myself it can get pretty messy. This is a nice balance for me.
I'm not sure what all that has to do with what I came here to post. An amazing song. Delta Spirit, Salt in the Wound
When I heard this it was as background music under a monologue and I briefly wondered if it was my man, Willy. A throaty voice with just enough twang to make me giddy over an hypnotically pleasing repetition of guitar strings being plucked with love and skill. Alas it is not The Legend of the South but instead a band I'd never even heard of before. Enjoy, Anonymous Readers and Jenni.

Therapy and Privacy and fear of the unknown

I don't think anyone really noticed but I set my blog to "private" a few months ago. The visitor log was driving me a wee bit bonkers. Visits would be logged from all over the world, or even worse, from my own area, but I never knew who it was. I, being the over-thinking natural control-freak that I am, would wonder who was visiting, reading my errant and mundane thoughts. What did they read? How did they find me? And on it went. Until one particular visitor drove me over the edge of reason and I basically shut down my page.
Well, visitor log you are no more! I deleted the infernal thing and am now free to write whatever I want in blissful ignorance of all visitors! As far as I care to know, no one is reading my ramblings and I think I may like it that way. My words have always flowed more freely if I imagine an audience (anyone know the definition of a narcissist?) *but* as a confirmed sufferer of severe and sometimes debilitating stage fright I can't actually know that anyone is reading. Ah, what a conundrum. If I think only myself will read my writings I tend lose focus and not finish. But if I actually know someone will read my work then I can't manage to string together coherent thoughts.
So I am trying something in between. We'll see, or, um, at least I will, how it goes from here.